my soul aches
when I cannot create
the unwritten words
haunt my mind
hours lost to hustle
days to the grind
I’m slowly losing my mind

fear visits me
more often than faith
it keeps me busy
yet nothing’s at stake
It’s safer here
distracted and drained
no time for passion
for dreams?
no
they’re not meant for people like me

I’ve forgotten the feeling
the thrill in my veins
my heart might stop
if I give it a taste
of freedom
of failure
of diving deep into
my endlessly needy creativity

but what would they think?
my work to see daylight
where no audience waits
It’s better here
watching from afar
as the real artists paint
as the real writers write
as the directors and singers
inspire and captivate

so people like me
have something to see
to live vicariously
through the screens
these same machines
that steal my identity
remind me of my place
just an average girl
doing average things
clicking and consuming
giving away hours and days

I can’t see my future
because that would mean
seeing farther than the next scroll
or the next ding
the things that hold me hostage
and too tired to fight
whatever it is I wanted
I wouldn’t remember
I wouldn’t know how
for I can’t create
my soul aches

-— 💌 ----